Behaviors and Hard Stop

By Joseph Toth

We often wonder why people act the way do and why the people we care about act in certain ways and struggle with changing. Behavior changing is more challenging than most people think. People often struggle with wanting to make improvements and wanting to “live differently,” but they struggle with knowing what to do and how to make those changes.

We become familiar and comfortable with a pattern of living and behaviors. We reinforce those patterns with feelings, thinking and doing. Even negative decisions and maladaptive behaviors are reinforced with rationalization thinking. For example, “I always try, and it doesn’t work” and “I am not any good, so why try harder”. Or a great example is “why do I always do this?”, and then comes the regret and disappointment with oneself.

Another rationalization is acting when it only meets your expectations. You are willing to make sacrifices and change, but only when you “feel” ready. Sometimes that is too long, and people simply become “comfortably uncomfortable.”

Yes, change can be uncomfortable, even scary, and sometimes terrifying for some individuals. Sometimes a “hard stop” is necessary and helpful. You simply decide and choose to stop the behavior. A metaphor is to rip the band aid off. You stop the behavior and watch what happens. You make a conscience decision to stop the pattern of behavior. The feeling and thinking mind go into wake-up mode. You struggle with an internal psychological conflict and then formulate rationalization.

Through time you are just “adjusting” to the new experience. You’re feeling and thinking mind becomes accustomed to the change and adaptation. Yes, it can be challenging and take grit and work. But through time, you have made the change you wanted to make. You can make gradual incremental changes or make a “hard stop,” resulting in extinction or extinguishing the behavior.