Healthy vs Healthier
By Joseph Toth
Fear plays a significant factor in holding people back from honoring their potential. A lot of people don’t believe they deserve success. They just don’t believe that they are deserving. The same can be said for relationships. I have never liked the term “unhealthy relationship” and I don’t use it as a therapist.
What is a healthy relationship? One of trust, commitment, love, understanding and caring? Yes, all of those are part of a relationship, but are those what make a healthy relationship? Studies have found that close to infidelity; economic stressors are a main factor that cause stress and conflict in a relationship. Two people in a relationship and they spend money differently can cause significant stress and even end a relationship. Divorce is very hard on children and part of the difficulty is that is causes financial changes and stressors.
The desire to have a “healthy relationship” is misleading. There is no such thing as a healthy relationship. Yes, relationships can be abusive and even codependent. But wanting a healthy relationship is misleading. People have issues. Sometimes a lot of issues and they bring those to any relationship. What you want is something “healthier” than your previous relationship experiences. Take for example you have a history of abusive relationships. You end up single and have only “friendships” but no long-term intimate partners. You’re creating a new relationship experience that is healthier. You are choosing not to continue a pattern of abusive relationships.
That is healthier decision making than previous choices. But even those friendships cause some form of heartache and grief. You are still vulnerable to having a new friendship experience that can be different, more positive and rewarding. You are learning how to listen more carefully and effectively healing from past experiences. This is called growth and wisdom. Again, there is no such thing as a healthy relationship. Relationships by their very nature are complicated and can bring both joy and tumultuous frustration. They are quite frankly messy. But they should be.
People are messy. Remember the saying their relationship is a “hot mess.” Yes, because people are a hot mess. What people are striving for is something “healthier” and more functional than their past experiences. It’s like saying “just act normal and be normal”. What? What is normal? Who makes up the rule to what is normal? Relationships are always evolving and growing.